Taking Up Space
Entrepreneur and philanthropist Catherine Tuton is rewriting the rules for midlife women
By Kaylor Jones / Photos by Claudia Johnstone / Hair and Makeup by Linda Wagner / Location: Maple & Ash, 7135 E. Camelback Road, Scottsdale, www.mapleandash.com
You may have heard of something called the “midlife crisis.” Catherine Tuton sure has, and she thinks it’s a load of bull.
“I just turned 51, and now that I’m in midlife, I really believe my best years – and other people’s – are ahead of us. Why? Because we bring all the collected lived experience that we’ve had in the first half of life, mistakes and all, and now we get to walk on the authority of our experience,” Tuton says.
Tuton spent the first part of her career as a luxury interior designer, but always dreamed of helping people on a larger scale. Along the way, she’s faced more than her fair share of obstacles. There was the abrupt ending of her 12-year relationship, totally overturning her life as she moved from Newport Beach, California, back to Arizona, where she’d attended college. Then, at age 45, she had a heart attack.
“That was definitely a wake-up call. It was when I decided to really do something to help other people, to take my story and use it for good.”
Now, she discusses the power of reinvention, authenticity and unapologetic living to a community of women from around the world on Instagram (@catherine_tuton_).
Midlife, she says, shouldn’t be viewed as a crisis, but as an invitation “to start to live freely and not edit ourselves for other people, not perform for other people, not be what other people think. When one woman goes first, she’s giving the woman behind her permission to do the same.”
And though Tuton is more than happy to go first, she knows the path ahead has already been forged by the countless inspiring women who went before her.
“I’m a big believer that when you walk, symbolically, you’ve got one hand in front of you, being led by a mentor from the past generation. Then you have one arm behind you, pulling the generation behind you forward. I think that is our job, our responsibility, and ultimately our privilege as women.”
The UnProper Southern Girl
Tuton knows as well as anyone that unapologetic living is easier said than done. Her Southern upbringing, for example, is both a source of pride and limiting factor she’s still consciously rewiring.
Her childhood in Arkansas imbued her with many of the values she still holds dear today. “There’s so much about the South that I kept with me – the ritual of family and tradition, a slower pace, the value of community and neighbors. My mother was and is the quintessential Southern woman, and she really modeled for me how important kindness is.”
But the parts of the Southern mentality that didn’t serve her have had to go. “I’m writing my own rules and breaking ones that don’t feel part of me, like putting yourself in a box. I feel like women come out of the womb and apologize for being born. We are not invited to take up space the way men are.”
One of the ways she sees this is in the reflexive diminishing of praise. Sometimes, that can be as simple as brushing off a compliment about your outfit.
“I know if I give you a compliment and I really mean it, I want you to receive it in the spirit that it’s intended in. If you send it back to me or try to diminish it, it’s like we rob that person’s joy.”
Even now, when Tuton receives gratitude from women she’s inspired, her gut reaction is to downplay her role. It can be scary to be vulnerable online, and sometimes it’s hard to show up for her platform, but at the end of the day Tuton knows exactly who she’s doing it for.
“Whenever I start to wonder if this work matters, I think about who I’m speaking to. I call her Margaux. She’s a badass, but she’s looking for more. I want her to know that her life is just getting started, whether she’s a widow, single, has children or not. There’s nothing she can’t overcome. She just has to follow that passion, that fire, that thing.”
Voice of Impact
Currently, Tuton is most fired up about her upcoming podcast, the Catherine Tuton Show, which launches this October.
“I don’t have earthly children, but this feels like the birthing of my baby. It’s scary and exhilarating. I feel like we’re in the final trimester, getting the nursery right, can’t sleep at night, the excitement and the discomfort all on the same day.”
Episodes will focus on embracing life’s next chapter, with guests like actress and model Brooke Burke, Marysol Patton of The Real Housewives of Miami, and Tuton’s longtime best friend, fashion designer Christian Siriano.
“I hope that listeners take away that nothing is too far gone. You’re not too old, and it’s not too late for whatever is in your heart. I want people to not just have hope or be inspired, but to have a little proof. The women that I’m having conversations with are all pioneers, they’re all warriors, and their stories are proof of what’s possible if you go for it and take the risk. If it’s in you, I do believe it’s meant to come through you, and it’s only going to show up in the world in your unique way.”
The podcast is just one of many ways in which Tuton strives to make an impact. She’s long been passionate about philanthropy, something modeled by her parents in her hometown of Little Rock. There was a lot of need in their close-knit community, and her parents’ dedication to taking care of their neighbors has stuck with her ever since.
The organizations that resonate with her most are Phoenix Art Museum, American Heart Association and HonorHealth – nothing teaches you about the power of access to healthcare quite like having a heart attack, she says.
Another avenue for impact – and an outlet for Tuton’s love of hospitality – is her UnProper Dinner Series, intimate gatherings she uses to connect some of the most impressive, dynamic women in her life.
“The idea was to bring back the power of gathering people; the power of the table, where some of the most amazing conversations happen; and the power of leaning in, pulling up a chair and making room for people.”
And with Tuton’s first Impact Summit on the calendar for next April, she’s excited to see the ripples created by putting even more extraordinary women in one room.
“I hope the work I do in this world helps someone feel seen and heard and inspired to follow the call that’s inside of her. To do it well, do it huge, and without apology, taking up as much freaking space as she deserves.”
That’s not just the message Tuton shares with others – it’s the one she continues to remind herself every day.
“I wish I could go back to young Catherine and tell her to live life on your terms, and trust that what is meant for you will come to you. I spent so much time people-pleasing, but you don’t need to apologize or explain yourself in the hopes that you’ll be liked or included,” she says. “I don’t want to be 20 again! The confidence that I feel in my skin I wouldn’t trade for anything.”